Staff Recommendations: The Seven Worst Shark Movies

The staff of HS 1327 news has put together a compilation of what we presume to be the worst shark movies available.

Jurassic Shark

By Aler Giffin
Promotional Material Courtesy of Brett Kelly Entertainment

“Jurassic Shark,” released Apr. 20, 2012 should be taken to court for the violation of the eighth amendment: no cruel or unusual punishments. The film takes place at a lake where two girls and a quiver of art-stealing bandits are unexpecting victims as a prehistoric oversized shark, the megalodon, breaks out of its icy grave. The film includes CGI which is no more than a stock image, acting that can only be described as atrocious, and a sound track with redundant singles placed at all the wrong times. Overall, the best aspect of the film was the point at which it ended. 

 

Sharknado

By Aler Giffin
Promotional Material Courtesy of Syfy films

“Sharknado,” released Jul. 11, 2013, is an age old classic that serves as the infamous poster board of B-list shark movies. The plot features an ex-world renowned surfer Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) placed in the predicament of rescuing his family whilst swerving around sharks scathing the apocalyptic pandemonium of central Los Angeles. The film intertwines a perfectly placed soundtrack to match the harrowing feats of Shepard and his accomplices, with fast paced singles all the way to ominous preluding tones, there is a song for every situation. The acting that is exhibited throughout the film fits right in with the overall cringy facade of the movie, where the actors find a way to be overly eccentric in every scene. Overall, the movie provides an entertaining tale that keeps viewers glued to the edge of their seats in wait of the next bombardment of crazed sharks. 

 

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark

By Jack Long
Promotional Material Courtesy of The Asylum Film Distributors.

“Mega Shark Versus Mecha Shark,” released Jan. 28, 2014, upends the casual, formulaic person vs. nature conflict common to many movies in the shark genre. This is accomplished by shifting towards a plot revolving around the struggle of humanity against their own creations and actions along with natural foes. This tour de force in shark cinematography not only pits humanity against the forces of nature but also introduces and challenges serious concepts such as the woes of blind obedience to authority, the impact of global climate change and the security, reliability, and benevolence of artificial intelligence.

 

Super Shark

By Jack Long
Promotional Material Courtesy of CineTel Films

“Super Shark,” released Dec. 8, 2011, perfectly blends romantic tension with serious scientific concepts and environmental concerns. This instant classic delivers a powerful and moving plot centered around the carnage wrought by a megalodon released by reckless oil drilling practices. The plot challenges many deep-seated assumptions and emphasizes the shared humanity of our species in our great struggle for survival against the grim forces of nature. While this film exceptionally tackles many deep and moving issues, such as concerns of corruption in the oil drilling industry, this film is not recommended for viewing with family or younger audiences due to some of its more adult themes.

Avalanche Sharks

By Jack Long
Promotional Material Courtesy of Titan Global Entertainment

“Avalanche Sharks,” released Jan. 1, 2014, is a formulaic affront to the shark genre. The film vainly utilizes nearly naked young women to attempt to captivate the viewer. This type of behavior feeds into deep, overarching flaws that plague the genre and disrupt overall viewer immersion. The plot of this movie can only be described as lazy and unimaginative. Character development is nearly non-existent, the special effects are lacking to say the least, and the overall writing is sloppy. This film is a waste of 82 minutes that will leave the viewer measurably less intelligent.

Ouija Shark

By Brynn Galaich
Promotional Material Courtesy of Wild Eye Releasing

“Ouija Shark,” released May 26, 2020, is a terrible excuse for a movie. The film centers around a group of extremely shallow and pessimistic teenage girls who experiment with a ouija board and accidentally unleash a “ghost shark”. The acting and plot of this film are both utterly atrocious. Many of the actors are too dramatic, others speak in a monotonous tone, and there are several significant plot holes which drastically lower the quality of the movie. The shark looks unrealistic and blurry, and no one seems to question its presence in the ouija board. I sincerely cannot believe that I made it to the end of this movie, and I would strongly deter anyone else from trying to do the same. 

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

By Brynn Galaich
Promotional Material Courtesy of The Asylum Film Distributors

“Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus,” released May 26, 2009 and the first film in the “Mega Shark” series, is an absolute disgrace. The action movie focuses on three scientists who are trying to stop a giant shark and an even larger squid from killing the entire human population. The acting and special effects are absolutely horrendous. I truly hope that the people in charge of the CGI for this movie were not paid, as the shark and the octopus both look like something out of a video game. The plot somehow manages to be both boring and confusing, and the actors seemingly have no acting experience. This is genuinely the most uninteresting movie I have ever seen, and it is truly upsetting that people took time out of their lives to make this terrible movie.

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